How NOT to handle bad breath

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We’ve all been there. You across the corner to your cubical ready to start the day’s work while you are suddenly accosted by the familiar stench of a co-worker’s bad breath.

“Here we go again…”, you imagine. “Another ‘H’-filled tirade that wont ever permeate my ears because I’m too busy attempting to keep it from permeating my nose.”

“So anywahhhhy,” continues your co-worker, “Hhhhank Hhhhenshhhhaaw from Hhhhuman Reshhhhourcess told me ouhhhhhr 401k plahhhhn is an outstahhhhnding invehhhhhstment optiohhhhhn…”


Somehow, we’d like to think our forced smile and wilting eyelashes might tell the offending party that there surely is something less than stellar concerning the way they are coming across. Unfortunately, that’s simply wishful thinking. ブレスマイルウォッシュ is that no one knows they have a problem. We seem to be immune to your own stench, and unlike Willy Nelson’s muse, it’s never on our minds.

So how can you tell someone that their breathe is making you are having issues differentiating their head from their derriere? Sure, if it’s someone you know and so are comfortable with, you can test honesty. Still, even honesty has it’s own group of problems. Can you play it off like it is a one-time occurrence you just noticed and hope that mentioning it takes care of the situation for good? Do you sit them down and have a serious discussion that could ultimately embarrass them or cause you to look like the bad person? How will they react to either scenario? You’d want to be told in the event that you had bad breath, wouldn’t you? Would you feel comfortable being told by this person who you have bad breath? You don’t know them sufficiently to be discussing this situation with them?

They are all important questions whose answers will vary with each unique situation. Still, there are a few things you can avoid saying that are universal across all situations. I have taken the liberty of listing those hateful pounds below. Remember, honesty is the best policy, but brutal honesty is frequently unnecessary.

# 1 Gee, is your breath or did I blow my nose immediately after wiping my ass?

# 2 And today here’s me with the elements: Thanks, me! Well it appears like there’s a stank front moving due east from wherever the mouth area happens to be. We’re considering a 100% potential for Halitosis throughout the rest of your life. Sports is next followed by today�s lottery numbers. Stay Tuned!

# 3 I don’t mean to be rude however your horrible breath is melting my face. To have to stand here and listen to you is agonizingly painful. Hey, you ever see that “Alien” movie where the alien is breathing in Sigourney Weaver’s face and she just cringes because the thing is indeed scary and because it’s saliva is an acid that may eat through metal? That is a lot like that because despite the fact that your saliva won’t eat through metal, I’m fairly certain your mouth-stench will and that is scaring the crap outta me, my pal. Again, I don’t mean to be rude…

This is why, dear reader, one must choose carefully when approaching a topic this sensitive. Perhaps honesty is not always the best policy. Better yet, you will want to just leave an anonymous note…and a breath mint.

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